Birth Story Part 2

The day seemed like a blur. Doctors visits, more acupuncture and my best friend about to leave back to the mainland. There was definitely forward motion happening, my body was contracting and I knew that the baby would be here sooner than later. Adrenaline began bubbling over as I anticipated, guessed and awaited things to start speeding up. Around 1:30 in the afternoon we began to walk continuously around my moms neighborhood and I began to feel my contractions intensifying. I looked at my husband and confirmed that he still felt comfortable with doing a home birth before we got all set up. Walking back to my moms house was somewhat of a slow process. We stopped quite a few times as my contractions became more intense and the breathing became more focused. Kaya Koral, my husband Nick, my mom and my best friend all walked with me and we laughed between contractions. It was really amazing to share this experience with my girls, for them to see the power, the strength and the surrender that happens in and around birth. I am not sure that today they are able to put all they experienced into words or even be able to fully grasp it but I know the experience will stay with them for the rest of their lives. As they mature and step out into the world their perspective of this process will continue to grow and evolve. When we returned back to my moms we spent a lot of time resting and preparing for what I like to call the marathon ahead. My friend is an aesthetician and microbladed my face while me and the girls, Nick, my mom and her husband all sat around talking. It was pretty hilarious having my face micro bladed only hours before being thrown into the throngs of labor transitioning. It was so casual and contrasting from my hospital experience(which was never bad). My family was all there doing life with an excitement and angst as to what would unfold in the next few hours. 

We joked for months with my moms husband that I would have the baby on the patio while they were BBQING and ironically that is somewhat of how it went. My mom had planned a really yummy dinner that night, the fish went on the grill and everyone was outside preparing the space for me to give birth in. Nick and my step dad Rex were blowing up and figuring out how to get warm water in the birthing pool. It was cute watching two men as they anxiously began scurrying around readying the place with a hint of anxiousness. Neither my husband nor my stepdad had ever experienced a home birth. While my husband Nick had watched many babies being born with this being our fourth my step dad as far as I know had only watched a few births in his life And my free spirited nature and this experience I know definitely pushed him past his comfort zone and allowed him to witness and be apart of something he probably never thought would happen in his lifetime.

By now The girls were hanging on by the seat of their pants anxiously anticipating what would lie ahead. It reminded me a lot of the scene in 101 Dalmatians when the nanny is waiting for the mom to have her puppies and everyone is moving about preparingLots of movement, lots scurrying about, lots of little missteps here and there as everyone fumbled about… This uncertain excitement that offered no specific time frame and because we had never had a home birth before I did not know what to expect and neither did they

Dinner was ready and I was not in a mood to eat, my contractions had picked up quite a bit and I could feel the intensity increasing. My mom and Nick took turns eating dinner while I labored in the tub. While one was eating the other would be rubbing my back pouring hot water down my back and laughing between contractions with me. It just seemed so much more relaxed. We had nowhere to be, nobody was really coming in other than the people who were there.  I told Nick to call over our midwife not to long after. Ironically she lived 3 houses down from my moms house and literally walked over. Jamie has an energy about her; cool, calm and collected. She is confident in the female body but also has a compass of safety and clarity that reassured me the entire time.

After some time passed I decided to get out of the tub. The contractions weren’t progressing much and the midwife suggested maybe some movement and walking. My birthing team: Hubby, mom, daughters, midwife, best friend and doula/friend (Kehau) followed me to the back yard with electric candles. I lied in the grass and looked up at the stars, my eldest daughter Kaya stepped into the doula role rubbing my back and holding my hands. It was so surreal to lay under the stars while laboring. Kaya had watched my friend Kehau do these amazing maneuvers with her body to help relieve the pressure and pain in my back and as I lay in the grass she comforted me and helped relieve the pressure during contractions. We lay there for awhile changing positions but the scene that will forever be ingrained in my memory is me on my hands and knees moving through a pretty intense contraction as she is in table top position parallel to me touching my forehead to hers. It was really something out of a dream a moment in my life that I will never forget. To watch her instinctually step into her divine feminine. My daughter effortlessly stepped into this role of caretaker and held space for me as my body was transitioning to bring the baby earth side. We lay under the stars for quite some time and my contractions became significantly more intense once I moved out of the birth tub. My dear friend who is also a doula relieved a lot of the intense lower back pain I was feeling during contractions and I kept thinking; “this must be why people have doulas, they have a whole bag of tricks.” I also reflected on a photo of her and I while she was helping relieve some of my pain where she was hugging me after Legend passed. Kehau has quietly supported me and held me throughout my loss. She has somehow always known what it is I need in the moment she’s there and shown so much of her support without words and with no expectation of recognition. Both our boys were around the same age, their daddies grew up together and were best friends since reiki days. We always talked about the memories they would create together and how cool it would be to watch them grow up together. Although Kehau and I have lives that are busy, she has been a lighthouse in my life since Legends passing and it was incredibly healing to have her at my birth supporting me in this way. Like most of our encounters together they are either spontaneous or last minute and my birth was the same rushing home from whole foods to drop her groceries and be a support to our family was such a gift.

Slowly we moved around the neighborhood block, stopping between contractions as I hung from someones neck or was hulled over in someones front yard. My contractions were intense, the kind of contractions where everything stops and all that is left is the breath.  I knew the babies arrival wasn’t too far away and I surrendered to the intense pain as you transition. We only made it a few houses down before we would make our way back to the house and into the birthing pool. There I would labor for the duration, clinging tightly to my moms hands I remember asking her between contractions; “are you ok, I feel like I am hurting you.” I finally ask my midwife to check me something she does not do unless you ask. (Contrasting to the hospital she wants you to tune into your body, not be anxious about where you are at in numbers and just focus on what your body needs to do to move.) I stepped out of the tub between contractions and ask her to check me; I was only 7 cm! The thought that raced through my head in that instant was:  Wow I have a long way to go this is going to be a long labor! I got back into the tub and had 2 more really intense contractions. On the third one I felt this insane urge to push. My eyes got huge I looked up at my midwife and said: OH NO I HAVE TO PUSH BUT IM NOT 10 CM WHAT DO I DO? She calmly said: if you have to push, push. So I did. Again and again. Contraction after contraction. In the moment it seemed like forever that I spent pushing yet I felt like the baby was not coming out. At this point my girls were frightened, the younger one in particular. Mostly due to the noises I was making as each wave of contractions passed it intensified urging me to get loud. Nick climbed in the tub with me when babies head was crowning. I was on my hands and knees bent over the edge of the birth tub. My midwife Jamie told me to feel his head.  I remember thinking I just want to get this baby out as I reached down and felt the head. The next wave of contractions came and I pushed but he did not come out. In that moment I lost my breath and began breathing erratically, I felt my entire body tense and fear begin to creep in. I looked up at my midwife Jamie and said; I can’t do this, I think I am going to die! In that moment she firmly and assertively told me to look in her eyes: She told me to lean back into Nick and when I felt the next contraction to close my mouth and give it my all. The way she addressed me snapped me out of my spiral I harnessed whatever energy I had left inside me and followed her guidance and on the next push baby was born. Nick guided baby onto my Chest as the three of us sat in the birthing tub together. I was relived to be done giving birth and to be holding baby in my arms. Nick was overjoyed to have been able to grab baby as it was his first time ever experiencing birth in this way. The girls were ecstatic relieved that the uncertainty of the birth was over. Born at 11:30pm on July 3rd. We held baby on our chest and then Koral yelled out: “ What is it; a girl or a boy.” I do not know how I spend 9 months not knowing only to forget to even check what gender the baby is every time. I would like to think it is the pure bliss and relief of finally having baby in my arms that makes me forget to even look. I lift baby off my chest and see that he is a boy!! My daughters both say: NO WAY THAT WAS JUST HIS UMBILICAL CORD. We did a double take and they both were overjoyed to learn of their new baby brother. 

In the days following we spent time falling in love. Days meshed into night and we got lost in time between space and time. For many days he was baby boy. Day after day we looked into his beautiful blue eyes in wonder. His name is a story in and of itself. A story that was divinely guided and one that will be told at another time.