Triumphs, Suffering & Finding Compassion
As I sit here to write (something I've mindfully thought about each day only to procrastinate) I find myself at a desk, full of feeling and very little words. Feeling seems to be progress these days, as I can differentiate each day and consciously make most decisions or have thoughts I am able to recall. Today as I look back at the last 4 or so months I realize I have been mentally, physically and emotionally unconscious to all the experiences leading up to now. I am trying my best to assimilate myself to the new emotions that come with feeling. Frequently I find myself questioning everything or feeling confused. I find the routine of society and day to day bullshit trying to creep back in. There's a new shift in focus, from planning to being. Fear of not knowing creeps back in, society demands and normalcy sometimes hum in my ear. Lately I am just acknowledging all that is coming through silently without action but instead recognition. Stillness has now become my safe net, where before it was my greatest fear. Theres no plans for tomorrow or the next hour, theres no logical answers, theres no knowing really where this journey is leading.
Each day it has been a mantra of mine to try and acknowledge the small triumphs. Those unspoken victories that may be small and trivial to some. For me these triumphs have now become monumental victories and turning points. These victories have been a gauge of choosing life, choosing love and choosing to flow, with whatever challenges may come through me. Opening my eyes every morning, taking a huge breath and consciously making each movement after that a choice towards LOVE. To give of my love, to feel love, to be love, to breathe from the deepest parts of my opu (stomach). Showering, shaving, brushing my teeth, going in my kitchen, making lunches, getting out of my house and to the kids school on time. These are all unsung victories that I know those who have suffered feel. Victories I have felt daily since my sons passing. For those experiencing these same feelings of accomplishment, you are not alone or silly for feeling victorious, as I too share in your celebration.
Each day people like you and I are exchanging a large amount of energy based on our experiences both good and bad. Our experiences aren't visible therefore theres a lot that goes on beneath the surface. Unfortunately in todays day and age, people don't have time to connect or know what truly is beneath that surface. What cannot be seen or isn't known goes unnoticed for most of society. Reality is we all have beneath the surface shit. I have yet to meet someone without some sort of struggle. Suffering touches the rich, it touches the poor and everywhere in between. Money doesn't make suffering easier and the simple life doesn't make things any simpler. Suffering breaks down all those walls, strips us of all we are and leaves us with an ache in our heart that is at times debilitating. Very often though we will never know that suffering is occurring all around us because we are either to scared to draw close, to busy or we measure the suffering of our neighbor by comparing them to our own experience with suffering.
What I have come to realize through my own suffering is that we are all our own beings, experiencing this human experience individually and very uniquely. Our body is but a shell our soul is the never- ending root of all beings. Measuring suffering is really impossible because no two people are alike. Whether someone has opened up there soul and heart to you or not, I can almost guarantee they either are suffering or HAVE at some point in there life. Loosing my son Legend, theres really no words to describe the immense sadness and gaping hole I feel in the pit of my being. While some people may acknowledge my suffering as sufficient to warrant there compassion, others may dismiss it because they have experienced or known someone who has experienced much worse. This is what I call a measurement of suffering. Before loosing my son, I thought it could be measured. What I know to be true now is that ,Yes I am suffering but there are also millions of others suffering similar or very different tragedies but in the end we all need LOVE. I also know suffering doesn't mean a life a misery for joy and sorrow are partners in this life. As written by Khalid Gibran, " Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. ......When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." We are all needing the same compassion you would offer to someone you felt deserving. Just as suffering is universal so is LOVE.
I challenge you today: to acknowledge your suffering no matter how big or small. I also challenge you to look at the man in a rush or the lady who spoke to you shortly as a human being experiencing something you may not be able to see. I've noticed when I take time to acknowledge my own struggles my actions are a little bit gentler and my responses are a little more compassionate.
The quote by Khalid Gibran is from one of my favorite books: The Prophet. You can purchase it on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/Prophet-Borzoi-Book-Kahlil-Gibran/dp/0394404289/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1525130245&sr=1-1&keywords=the+prophet+kahlil+gibran&dpID=41pvwwHajfL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch