Where there is Love there is Life.

After what seems to be a really busy past few weeks I am here asking myself did I honor my inner spirit? Honestly there were times where I felt like I was busying myself to keep my mind distracted and wasn't being mindful of the journey. Before loosing Legend, our lives were so busy, usually more times than not we were DOING more than we were THINKING or Feeling. Sometimes it seemed as if we were puppets jumping from place to place. Being an active family of 5, we had many activities, birthdays, graduations, baby showers and celebrations filling up our calendars. Surprisingly, what filled our schedules up most was these things we thought we HAD to do. One of the commitments I vowed to do for myself after Legend transcended was to SLOW DOWN. Slowing down meaning doing what serves you, not others, allowing yourself time and space and making each moment meaningful.  So today, reflecting on these past weeks of holidays, birthdays, out of town guests and obligations I ask myself, was I present and did I nurture and honor my inner being?

What does it mean to acknowledge your inner being and actually listen when it goes against your visceral reactions? For me it looks like being still, silent and listening. Caring about my journey and being patient with the inner requests and needs of my soul. (Making my soul a priority, something I am sure most moms resonate with not doing all the time.) Most of my healing and creativity flows from a place of stillness and silence. While I enjoy being busy I know that if I busy myself and pack my schedule too full I am not growing or healing. Thoughts, feelings and our inner teacher often get silenced to the action all around, so making time for stillness and reflection is so important. It means making a commitment to do things meaningfully from my heart. Operating from a place where each interaction is meaningfully reciprocated instead of just showing up to be there. Your presence is the greatest gift in any relationship, for when we are both present we are experiencing the world from somebody else's window.

Lately I've noticed that when I give thought to my day and treat it as something precious, the time I spend is treasured, something so special and meaningful. I could be in the middle of the road and stop and talk to someone, but being mindful of each interaction allows it to have value. The flip side of this is also realizing when your interactions need to be with yourself. I am a strong believer that you cannot give of your time, energy and self if you are not in turn nourishing your soul. Each individual is very different but knowing what growing a relationship with yourself looks like is so important. Personally I need; Mediation, breathing, writing, creating, moving and learning and alone time. These practices help me to heal, grow and nurture the relationship I have with myself so in turn I can have better relationships with others. I am a firm believer that the relationships we have are only as good as the relationship we hold with self.

Reflecting on this idea of Slowing down and looking at the week ahead of me I am vowing to do only what serves me. Taking time for moments of breathe and silence but also engaging in meaningful interactions with my husband, our children, friends, family and the person in passing. Giving myself permission to miss what needs to be missed so that I can be more present with those around me and absorb the lessons and teachings all around.

After Loosing a child, its has rocked my world and changed my mindset. Making a conscious effort to honor my feelings, and take time out to feel has been my mantra lately. Knowing it is natural to crawl inside yourself and just want to disappear, it is natural to fill your calendars so you don't even have to think. Its natural to feel confused, mad, angry, completely lost and in a dark place. It's what you do after you acknowledge those feelings that either creates healing or destruction. Allowing yourself to feel negative feelings is OK and needed in order to heal. Acknowledging your pain doesn't mean you are defeated, no it means you are strong and courageous to face those fears that some cannot even fathom. One of my favorite songs lately has been "Healing" by Trevor Hall. 

"Well everybody's got that chapter
Of dark and darker days, yeah
Saturn seems to be returning
And his essence can't be tamed
.......

So, you can't rush your healing
Darkness has its teachings
Love is never leaving
You can't rush your healing
Your healing"

........

Acknowledging that this day, week, month or year is DARK and flowing with it allows for growth. Accepting that darkness doesn't mean love is lost and that this path of darkness is part of the healing. Knowing not all your days will be joyful and happy and accepting that. I've learned so much from acceptance because with acceptance releases much of the pressures and stigmas we feel in this life. When we allow ourselves to feel the good and bad we allow ourselves to grow in those feelings, to explore and dive deeper to the greater teachings in this lifetime. Lately my life could be looked at as a great misfortune, and sometimes I must admit I wallow in those feelings of loss, but my life has been the greatest blessing. Legend's transcending to heaven has rocked me, but it has also catapulted me into a greater dimension in this lifetime. A dimension where I see with my heart, feel with my soul and love from a place that will never die. It is there that I realize, there is no life and death, where there is love, he is all around.